This is my love language
Have you heard about love languages?
It's the idea that different people show love in different ways.
So if you're not aware of how you need to feel loved and the ways that those around you show it, you could spend your whole life feeling that no one loves you just because their efforts get lost in translation.
For me, I've never understood why anyone would buy me gifts when all I want is to spend time connecting with the ones I love, so this was very eye-opening.
Basically, there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time (my favourite!).
But over the last few months, I've realised that I desperately need something different that isn't included in that list.
My love language is feeling seen.
If there's one lesson I take from the pandemic is that I am absolutely fine by myself. Thankfully, I love the company of my own thoughts!
But being surrounded by people and feeling invisible is the loneliest feeling ever.
I've felt pretty alone around others my whole life, feeling that I never fit into my friend groups and that I didn't matter to those I loved.
So it made me ask myself- what is it that the people who do make me feel important do differently?
And why is that something that I need so much in my life?
Feeling seen for me is feeling understood, being valued and that I'm someone that matters to them. It's all about connection, about having someone who gets me and appreciates the way I am.
And because for so long I've felt invisible, whether it's been in relationships or even in a group, surrounded by people, or in meeting rooms when I'm just being talked over…
It makes me appreciate that much more when someone makes me feel that they truly see me.
And these are some of the ways they do it:
✨ Being fully present when they're with me, not looking at their watch or phone
✨ Looking into my eyes as I speak instead of around the room
✨ Having conversations instead of just talking at me
✨ Asking how I feel
✨ Listening without judging
✨ Validating my feelings instead of belittling them
In the end, it comes down to awareness and presence.
Taking the time to really sit with someone instead of jumping from conversation to conversation or scrolling through your to-do list in your head as you watch someone's lips moving in front of you.
It's about paying attention to what is said but also what is not said. To body language and changes in facial expressions that tell you that someone is uncomfortable or needs some reassurance.
It doesn't seem so hard to do, yet it feels that it's becoming such a rare quality.
So I decided that I'm done with feeling alone around others.
I'm done with being in group calls where not everyone gets a chance to be heard.
I'm done with begging anyone for their love and attention.
Instead, I truly appreciate those who give it to me because I know it's something rare.
But most importantly, knowing how healing it is to feel seen, to be recognised in your humanity, I make an effort to be completely present when I'm with other people.
I want to make the people I love feel loved.
It's not always easy, for sure. We all have our worries and things running through our minds, and sometimes we do need someone to be there just for us so we can take up all the space and have a rant or get something off our chest.
But this is my life, and I've decided I will not feel invisible anymore. Because now I know that there are other alternatives.
So thank you to all the people who have made me feel like I matter. It really does mean the world to me- and I’m calling more of that into my life!
Sending you so much love,
Paula
P.S. What’s your love language?
If you don't already know it, you can take a short test here to help you understand yours. I highly recommended to do it with your partner, friends, coworkers, family, and anyone you care enough about to build a relationship with.
Although I still think that feeling seen should be on that list… and some people do say that tacos are their love language. True story! 🌮