The truth about the holidays 🎄

A few years ago, my friends staged an intervention.

It was a couple of good friends, the best kind, who took me aside and lovingly encouraged me to see a therapist. Or rather, they bribed me into going with the promise of karaoke. And you still owe me, guys; I haven't forgotten!

Of course, I didn't think I needed a therapist because I was fine. Indeed, when she asked me how I was, "fine" is exactly what I told her.

Then I started to cry. For the better part of an hour.

Of course, after that, I clearly needed to keep on going for more sessions.

We talked about many things, too many to count.

And one of them was about how intensely depressed I would get around the holidays.

I found all holidays and festivities difficult, even my birthday.

The rest of the year, I was generally ok at getting through life, and I felt enormous gratitude for everything I had.

But on the days when everyone was supposed to be celebrating, those days I couldn't find any gratitude. I just deeply felt what I lacked and all the ways that my life didn't look like the movies.

And out of all the holidays, Christmas was by far the worst.

I explained to my therapist that it was because it's the time of the year when we're bombarded with photos of perfect families, with everyone looking happy, loving, and content.

And that just made me all the more alone and inadequate because it seemed so far from my reality.

It's the time of year when everyone else is overflowing with happiness, so clearly, something was wrong with me if I didn't feel the same way.

Of course, she told me the hard truth.

"Who says that everyone else is happy?"

I had never considered the idea that it might all be a big lie and that most of the world was actually struggling just like I was.

In fact, she said that Christmas was the one time of the year that she could never take time off, as so many people reached out, desperate for help during those weeks.

No matter what the movies say, and no matter how much people put a smile on and wrap themselves in tinsel, the truth is that everyone is going through something.

And the holidays just bring it to the surface.

They remind people of the loved ones they've lost, those with whom they can no longer share a Christmas meal. They remind them of their broken heart, of the person they wish was curling up under their blanket with them. Of the children they long for but don't seem to come, and of the family they do have that makes them feel more alone.

That conversation has stuck with me since that day.

It helped me have much more compassion for myself and for everyone else when I started seeing the sorrow behind so many people's smiles.

And sure enough, this year is inevitably the same.

As Mariah Carey starts playing and all the lights begin to go up, I can feel a heaviness starting to spread in the heart of so many people.

So no matter what comes up for you this season, know you're not alone.

Make sure you reach out if you need help and that you support others if you can.

Know that you can redefine what the holidays mean for you, and there's no obligation to live them on someone else's terms.

Sending you the biggest holiday hug 💜

Paula

P.S. If you’re struggling over the holidays and everything seems a bit dark, know that I love you, and I’m here for you. Please do reach out. 🙏

And if you’re living the carols, and the trees, and the Santas with a heart full of joy, enjoy the holiday cheer and I hope your stocking’s filled with love. 🎅